Choosing the Right Places
Anywhere you happen to find women you’re attracted to, is a place to approach. There are countless places where this can happen and every venue has its own requirements when it comes to approaching, and every venue choice you make will maximize or minimize your chances at success.
Examples of places to approach can be divided into two categories; day and night.
Day would be places like Coffee Shops, Malls, Bookstores and the Street.
Night would be places like Bars, Clubs and Raves.
As outlined above, the way to approach in each venue is driven by empathy. General rules: people are higher energy at night than in the day, people are more receptive to being approached in venues like bars and clubs, touching is more common at night than in the day, you talk more in a bar and dance more in a club.
It stands to reason that the man who approaches in the widest variety of venues is the one who will see the most success. There is a truth to this, I recommend diversification of lifestyle, but I believe success in approaching lies in choosing the right places; the ones that suit you.
The place to approach is the place that achieves two goals – First, where is natural for you (do you enjoy it, does it emerge naturally from your lifestyle). Second, does it satisfy the numbers game (are there plenty of women you’re attracted to there).
The first goal is often ignored, where the second isn’t – hence the attraction in pickup to bars and clubs. But this thinking can be self-defeating.
When I was in Colombia I wanted to meet and date Colombian women. Following the classic logic of ‘go where the girls are’ I went to Colombian bars and nightclubs and hit on girls. The problem is ninety percent of Colombian nightlife is social circle orientated and very focused on the ability to dance Salsa, Bachata and Reggaeton.
None of which I could do, and my Spanish wasn’t any better.
Not only was I getting blown out left and right, but I also wasn’t really enjoying myself. I had come to Colombia to experience to culture and meet the people, and as fun as the Colombian nightlife can be, I was forcing myself into it to get girls, not as a by-product of my life. Simply put, I didn’t belong where I was.
So what was natural for me?
Well, I wanted to learn both Spanish and Salsa, so I started taking classes. Classes I genuinely enjoyed and was interested in; Classes that had attractive Colombian women, where conversation between us came naturally.
Within days I was on dates with a woman from my language class, and my dance instructor. Both were really cool women and my dates often ended up full circle in the original clubs I got blown out in, as a natural by-product of my life.
I drifted into these women as result of how I genuinely lived. At no point did I force myself.
And in my opinion, that’s largely what makes approaching so hard for men in the first place. Not only are they dealing with approach anxiety, but they’re in environments they’re forcing themselves to be in.
It’s unnecessary. There are attractive women everywhere. The only selection criteria I’d apply to them are the same any smart guy applies to bars and clubs when looking to meet women – are there plenty of women there.
Making it Easy
Approaching is as hard as you make it. Like anything else, your choices determine your success. Are you meeting women as a by-product of your lifestyle? Are you relating to your anxiety in a positive way? Are you making the impression you want to make?
But beyond that, are you making it easy for yourself?
Sexual relations are part of human social interactions. The key word there is social. Any environment that naturally puts social interaction at ease is easy mode for approaching. These can be dance classes, house parties, gatherings, cooking classes, exercise classes – anywhere that actively encourages people to talk and get to know one another.
Contrary to some schools of thought – bars and clubs are actually quite high anxiety places for both men and women. That’s why they all get so smashed on alcohol and go home alone. And don’t even get me started on meeting people during the day.
Anywhere that as a by-product of just being there, has you interacting with women (dance classes), already does half the work for you. All you have to do is ask her out. That’s it.
Even better is when meeting women emerges from your social circle itself. I’m yet to encounter anything more effective for meeting women than a house party at your own house. This obviously requires you to have built your social circle to a certain degree – but ask yourself, if your social circle is particularly small, are you really in an emotionally good place for a relationship? I can only speak for myself, but in my own case it was a recipe for neediness and validation for both relationships and casual sex.
Your sex and love life isn’t separate to your social life – it’s intrinsically linked.
It’s in your hands
Learning to approach is fundamental and unavoidable. If you want to meet women, you have to do it. But it doesn’t have to be an uphill battle. Let the learning emerge from your own lifestyle, and keep an eye for the opportunities to approach. When you’re putting yourself in the environments right for you, with plenty of women around – not only will the opportunities arise more often, but they’ll be significantly easier to act on. You’re going to experience ups and downs, but answer me this – If I told you that you could meet an amazing woman that you really clicked with, but it would take 100 rejections, would you do it?
I think you would.
Ultimately it’s in your hands. I talked above about how empathy was the most important part of all this, but the art of learning to approach lies in having empathy for yourself. Give yourself a helping hand and get started.
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